Tuesday, 18 March 2025

70 Years Of Hurt Gone In An Instant, And A Lifetime Of Memories Brought To The Surface

      
Picture Courtesy Of Newcastle United 

It's safe to say that if you're of the black and white persuasion, the last 48 hours have been pretty crazy. Although I don't post about football anywhere near as much as I did in the early days of this blog, my love for Newcastle United has never really waned. I was initially going to post this as a tweet or a thread but it soon became apparent that there were too many words and feels for short form media.

On Sunday night, Newcastle United broke their 70 year domestic trophy drought, when they beat Liverpool 2-1 to win the Carabao EFL Cup. Like so many of my fellow fans I watched the majority of the game on tv through my hands, unlike my mam whose faith never waivered, I wasn't confident in the slightest and even when Big Dan Burn headed us in front I still didn't dare to dream, when Isak scored a second finally there was hope but then came VAR and the Liverpool goal, and goodness knows how many minutes of added time which was almost torturous, I was really starting to think that it's the hope that kills you, but we held on and when the final whistle blew I'll admit that like so many other fan that I cried, tears of joy, relief, and to be honest what could have been.

I know what some of you are thinking, it's just a game it's not that deep but for so many Newcastle fans or anyone that truly supports a football club it really is. Eddie Howe mentioned his late mum in his press conference, Alan Shearer talked about his late dad in a podcast and I've seen so many tweets and posts about people talking about family members that never got to experience what we have over the last few days.

Growing up where I did you supported Newcastle or Sunderland, whilst my dad had memories of watching games at both clubs, by the time I came along you had to choose, and my dad went with the boys in black and white, and my fate was sealed. Being a girl in the 80's first real football memory was Italia 90, I vaguely remember the penalty misses and Gazza's tears, even if I didn't quite understand what was going on - 2 years later though everything changed, and that was thanks to Kevin Keegan.

I remember the hope and the excitement when the hero returned, he miraculously kept us up that season, and the 92/93 season was when my obsession really started, I listened to games avidly on the radio, and watched them on tv when I could, and the season culminated in promotion to the Premier League, and a 7-1 home win against Leicester City. Me and some of my friends attended the promotion parade, which ended in the pouring rain outside Newcastle Civic Centre, there were people climbing trees, and up lamp posts to see the players and KK himself on the balcony, and the bus ride home was a cacophony of noise including 'if you're proud to be a Geordie be a tree.'


God This Photo Is Old Little Louise In Her Umbro Blue Star Top And Check Out The Black And White Scrunchies! 

Then like now tickets were hard to come by, the ground looked nothing like it does now, so I didn't actually attend my first proper Premier League game until the 3rd May 1995 when I was lucky enough to witness a 3-3 draw against Spurs, which included a goal by the legendary Jurgen Klinsmann. I attended the odd game here and there, and experienced everything from Keegan leaving, to the Andy Cole signing and then leaving and then the arrival of Alan Shearer, can you imagine what twitter would have been like in those days? given some of the meltdowns Newcastle fans have seen lately it doesn't bare thinking about.

We went through a few more managers and a couple of more comings and goings and then Sir Bobby returned and that coincided with me meeting a fellow fan, who would become one of my bestest and dearest friends, and I started going to games more regularly especially cup games thanks to her brothers season ticket, and after a long hiatus my dad and even my mam ended up going to a few games, sitting in the Platinum club as was!


'Big Les" AKA My Dad💔

At home me and my dad used to watch football on the television driving my mam mad at time, but the funny thing is we never actually went to a game together but for those of you who aren't aware of my story that should have changed on the 4th November 2002. My friend wasn't well so my dad took her ticket for the Middlesbrough game, but unfortunately he collapsed on the way to the ground, we never made it to the match that night, and my dad never made it home, passing away in the early hours of November 5th in the Freeman Hospital.

I guess things could have gone either way after that night, I could have continued to have been haunted by the memories of that fateful night, and rejected the noise, and the black and white shirts or I could carry on and continue doing something that I know he would love and I that I had grown to love - it comes as no surprise that  I chose the latter - I think it took a month or so before I went back to a game , and I'm not going to lie my stomach was churning, someone in front was wearing my dads aftershave Hugo Boss Dark Blue which I guess could have been a sign and the memories came flooding back soon though I was concentrating on the game, shouting at the referee, and moaning like I know my dad would have done.

Soon after that I got my first season ticket and several more followed it, I went on to witness the end of Sir Bobbys reign, Souness, Bowyer v Dyer, the Intertoto Cup win, a memorable for many reasons away win at West Ham, and of course Shearer breaking Jackie Milburn's record. My mam to her credit really tried to be enthusiastic and she still tries even if I do have to re explain the rules every now and then, and tell her again who Schar is, but I miss sharing things with my dad and doing an after match de brief before and after his Sunday lunch time pub trips.

The fun couldn't last though, Mike Ashley the billionaire that would hopefully take us to the next level arrived, and his arrival seemed to coincide with my own body giving up on me - after several low lows, relegation was the final straw, I was attending less and less games, my health was failing and I couldn't justify keeping my season ticket.

Supporting Newcastle through that was hard, although there were glimpses here and there of what could be, supporting a team that was happy with just existing especially when being so unwell was hard, I'd used football as a crutch at times, not only was it a link to my dad but it was a link to normality, how things used to be and it was fading away, especially when covid came on the scene.

Then like that everything changed again, there was talk of a takeover, I started engaging again with NUFC social media accounts, even arguing with the odd journalist here and there, but then hopes were dashed again but the fanbase mobilised we wanted change, we wanted to believe again, and finally on 7th October 2021 we had new owners and the hope and the pride was back. That was another emotional day I can imagine how excited my dad would have been and how he would have loved all the pub talk about signings and managers, and the whole morals and ethics of been owned by the Saudis and some more southern billionaires, and that was a feeling that was amplified when we qualified for the Champions League in 2023 for the first time in the 20 or so years since my dad had passed - that game was so emotional I went on twitter and whilst it can be a cesspit pretty much most of the time now, some of the comments and messages I got that night after sharing my story really soothed my soul.

So here I am we've won a trophy, and whilst my dad was lucky enough to see us win a couple, it was a experience that we never shared, we were together for 2 FA Cup finals, and we were both stunned as we threw away that 12 point lead, but this time when it mattered, it was just me and my Mam watching through our hands. I'm sure wherever he is though he was raising a glass along with so many other members of the toon army that we've lost along the way, and next time I go to visit his grave I'll tell him again about Bruno's tears, Burn's header, pump it up, Yasir, and Jamie with their winners shirts over their suits, the brilliance of Edward John Frank Howe, and why we as Newcastle fans have so many reasons to be excited for the future.

It's not just a game or a football team it's about the shared memories and experiences that it brings. Our lives change, we lose people, we meet new people, and we may even lose and find ourselves again along the way but if you support a team, that club is one of the few constants that we have and that's why it means to so much to so many, and why its so important that even in this world of billionaires, match day tourists, PSR, media rights, and You Tubers, that the true fans aren't left behind x 


Saturday, 8 March 2025

And Just Like That She Was Back - Life Lately Featuring Christmas, The Dreaded Lurgy And A New Arrival*

I think this is probably one of the longest blogging breaks that I've ever had since I started this blog way back in 2007, and I'd be lying if I hadn't thought about making my break permanent. The longer I left it the harder it felt to come back and even attempt to pick up where I left off.

I have been posting on my other social media channels here and there but even then I've had to take a break every now and then for my own sanity, social media can be so toxic and it really made me wonder if I wanted to be part of it even in the smallest way. 

My blog though has always been my safe place and somewhere to share my life and loves, and the good and bad things in my life, and whilst some would argue that in the world of Tik Tok and Reels, the blog has lost it's way, I don't really care, I love writing even if it's only for myself, and that's why I'm sitting here listening to the radio, enjoying the warm spring day, and typing words onto a screen.

So where have I been? Well December started off well, I started the Christmas prep, did lots of shopping, and spent a lovely evening at a local cinema with one of my besties watching It's A Wonderful Life, I was so busy that I didn't even manage to introduce you all to this little guy!


Losing both Charlie and Tallulah last year really knocked me and my mum for six, and to be honest we weren't even thinking about getting another cat but Max just seemed so sad, he became very clingy, he would run round the house at night crying, and he just seemed so sad. So we talked about it and decided to look into getting him a friend. Again we went through Consett Cat Rescue, and when I saw this little one's face, I knew we had to go and meet him.


He was born feral, but he and his siblings have been in foster care, socialising them and getting them used to people and houses, and whilst he was a little standoffish till the food and laser pointer came out, we fell in love on sight.


Since we had no huge family plans over Christmas on the Thursday before the big day, Jamie came to live with us, he was a little skittish for a few days but then he really came out of his shell. 

He loves food more than anything, if you're eating he had to be there as you can see from the picture above where he decided that my mams lap tray was the perfect place to sit.


He really has turned into a cuddlebug, he loves a cuddle, doesn't mind been picked up and he loves nuzzles and head butts, he's not a fan of strangers, and his carrier but bring out some treats and he's yours for life.


Whilst his relationship with Max hasn't always been plain sailing the progress they've made has been amazing, there were never any growls or hisses just lots of chasing. I'm still not sure whether Max is entirely convinced and I definitely think that Jamie loves him more than he love him, but they'll happily lie near each other -  I just hope that one day Jamie gets his wish and Max lets him snuggle up properly.


So that was the Thursday before Christmas, and to put it simply that was probably the last normal day till well into the new year. I spent a bit of the night on the sofa keeping an eye on Jamie,  I felt a bit congested but I didn't think much more about it, but then as the days progressed I felt worse and worse.

My face and head ached, I couldn't breathe, and I started coughing - I managed a quick trip to Aldi on the Sunday which on reflection was a terrible idea, on Monday we made the hard decision to let my Godmother know that I wasn't well enough for us to host Christmas. I was utterly heart broken but she's 94 and I couldn't risk infecting her with whatever evil virus I had.


Christmas was therefore very scaled back, a lot of things didn't get done or made, Mummy Lou was an absolute angel, and made a yummy Christmas dinner for the two of us, which we ate on lap trays in front of the TV with the soundtrack of me hacking my lungs up in between bites of Quorn roast


As per usual I was super spoilt, I got some money, (which i still haven't spent), some bits and pieces, and this medium Longchamp Le Pliage in navy blue. I'd wanted one these for ages and I'm so so pleased with it I love all of the leather bags that I have but I just don't have the arm strength at the moment to carry a bag that's heavy before you even put anything else in it. The sizes is perfect for my everyday stuff but I'm really fancying one in the larger size maybe in black for when I travel or I need to carry a bit more stuff hmmm.


So that was my Christmas and my New Year, Happy New Year by the way ;) full of some cold, flu, non covid virus which seemed to stick around well into January, and it's still left me feeling mehhh, I've been out of the house less than half a dozen times since Christmas and after every outing I've ended up feeling as though the life has been sucked out of my me - bleurgh!

I'm not going to lie the start of 2025 has been a proper struggle health wise for me, and my mam as well, but I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself and thinking I'm useless, so instead of looking at the things that I can't do I've been trying to focus on small wins, like on Tuesday I made pancakes, on Thursday I changed a lightbulb and yesterday I went to Home Bargains. It sounds daft but keeping focused on every positive is helping me keep at least some of those negative thoughts at bay.

So I'm back, will I be posting every day, no I won't but hopefully I will be posting a little bit more regularly,  I've got a nail post prepped and ready to write and I'm also going to be posting an empties update posts in a desperate attempt to start afresh and start as I mean to go on.

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